The Bro Code

          The Bro Code: 101 rules on how to not be a complete tool
1) A Bro will leave at least one empty urinal between him and anyone else.
2) A Bro may wear pink shirts on three conditions: 1. Collar will never be "popped".  2. It will not say "Hollister, Abercrombie, American Eagle, Hurley, ETC.". 3. It will have long sleeves and buttons from top to bottom.
3) A Bro may only ask another Bros EX out with said Bros permission.
4) A Bro will not wear socks with sandals....one or the other, seriously guys.
5) A Bro will not "diss" the U.S. Military.
6) A Bro will not drink anything "virgin" unless he is either the designated driver, or under 21.
7) A Bro will not weigh more than 300 pounds...come on dude, that's just sad...
8) A Bro will not wear crocs, snuggies, or shutter shades.
9) A Bro will not say any video-game sequel is "The Greatest Game Ever" until at least 2 months after its release.
10) A Bro will NEVER name his bi-ceps, or refer to them as "guns".
11) A Bro should at least once in his life have watched The Watchmen, Fight Club, and Blade Runner.
12) A Bro will not treat Guitar Hero as if he is in a real band.
13) A Bro will not buy c.d.s, movies, games, etc. and leave them unopened for more than 2 weeks.
14) A Bro will not wear hats with flat brims.
15) A Bro will not wear normal hats cocked on the back of his head like a yamaka.
16) A Bro will not use Myspace.
17) A Bro will not rent a chick flick unless his wife or girlfriend specifically requests it.
18) A Bro will support less gun control.
19) A Bro may listen to Limp Bizkit, as long as he knows more of their songs than Break Stuff and Rollin'.
20) A Bro will not enjoy fruity drinks if they are less than 100 proof.
21) A Bro MUST maintain a healthy respect for women. No "kitchen" jokes fellas, I thought we were above that.
22) A Bro will not enlist in the Military for the sole purpose of "Dude, I'm gonna be SOOOO bad-ass!!"
23) A Bro will not own a dog smaller than his torso, unless it belongs to his wife, girlfriend, etc.
24) A Bro will not "forget his wallet" when dining out with friends.
25) A Bro will not enjoy the Star Wars prequel trilogy more than the original.
26) A Bro will learn and remember there, their, and they're.
27) A Bro will know more than Chopsticks, should he claim to play Piano.
28) A Bro will not argue in the comments of ANY Youtube video.
29) A Bro must be able to laugh at himself, take a joke, and not be offended by racism if told in a joking manner, unless the perpetratior will not shut up about it.
30) A Bro will not use Cocaine, Marijuana, Dope, or anything else that you snort, shoot, or smoke, with the exception of tobacco.
31) A Bro WILL use some form of birth control...come one dudes, show some responsibility.
32) A Bro should enjoy watching stupid kiddie movies with his children, neices/nephews, children of fellow Bros, or younger siblings.
33) A Bro will not turn down a request to be another Bros "Best Man", unless he has something else HUGE to attend. (Funeral, Business trip, other wedding).
34) A Bro will know how to change a tire.
35) A Bro will NOT under ANY circumstances, allow the woman to pay for the meal.
36) A Bro should not be ashamed to repair his clothes via sewing them himself.
37) A Bro will be expected to get his friends/girlfriends/wifes back, and will be expected to kick some ass if the other guy hits first.
38) A Bro will not fart in an elevator.
39) A Bro will be frugal with cologne, and NEVER substitute it for a daily shower.
40) A Bro will have a working knowledge of the english langauge and the grammar that comes with it.
41) A Bro will not say LOL, OMG, or any other text-acronym in a spoken conversation.
42) A Bro must know how to cook more than eggs and ramen, and even those must be on a stove...none of this microwave crap.
43) A Bro will have at least one hobby that involves leaving his home (jobs qualify).
44) A Bro will not be afraid of needles, dentists, or the dark. (hating those things is fine, but don't be scared of them like a wuss)
45) A Bro will know how to set up a chess board.
46) A Bro will not hesitate to help somebody who is being mugged, robbed, carjacked, raped, or a woman who he knows is in a physically abusive relationship.
47) A Bro will not cut in line, and will not tolerate being cut in front of.
48) A Bro will not sneak food into theaters.
49) A Bro will admit when he is wrong.
50) A Bro will not drive anything smaller than a Ford Focus, unless he has no choice and is activley searching for a new car.
51) A Bro will not use "tight" or "wicked" as adjectives...this is no longer 1998 guys.
52) A Bro will not pay more than 6 dollars for coffee.
53) While we're on the subject of coffee, A Bro will also not have more milk/sugar than actual coffee per cup.
54) A Bro will not re-gift.
55) A Bro will not show off his iphone at every opportunity...guys, it's been long enough, everybodies got one now, and those who don't own one know exactly what they are capable of.
56) A Bro will not drink to the point of being cut off by the bartenders.
57) A Bro will own enough tools to maintain standard upkeep of his home.
58) A Bro will not use Tae-Bo as a method of excercise.
59) A Bro will NOT under ANY circumstances be a "Topper".
60) A Bro may draw on his friends if they fall asleep, but please, for the love of whatever deity you pray to, don't cut his hair.
61) A Bro will never say the following phrases: "I knew about them before they were popular", "*whatever* is too mainstream", "No Man, I don't like MMA", or "Can you help me with my yoga stances".
62) A Bro will accept homosexuals as humans, and will treat them as such, because that is what they are.
63) A Bro needs 3 things in his shower. A bar of soap, a bottle of hair shampoo, and a bottle of conditioner.
64) A Bro will never, for ANY reason, refer to a woman as a "bitch, cunt, ho, or peice of ass".
65) A Bro will not sexile his roommate, and will keep a spare key in the event HE is sexiled.
65) A Bro will gladly give money to a friend without any expectation of being paid back if said friend is in dire straights. Example: Transmission gives out, Mortgage is late (by no fault of his own...if he's just lazy, let him work it out himself), Forgot Anniversary/valentines day/etc.
66) A Bro can go more than two days without making a "That's what she said" joke.
67) A Bro doesn't piss on the toilet seat...either lift the seat, stand closer, or improve your aim.
68) A Bro will not lie about his job in order to get laid.
69) A Bro will not wear his high school letterman jacket around his college campus.
70) A Bro needs 3 sets of footwear. Running shoes, "around town" shoes, and work boots/uniform shoes depending on what "collar" job you have.
71) A Bro will (I cannot stress this one enough) NEVER cheat on his wife/girlfriend, or hit any woman for any reason.
72) A Bro knows when "your mom", racist, sexist, religious, etc.  jokes are acceptable, and when they are not.
73) A Bro will not ridicule another Bro for enjoying "nerdy" things (Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, World of Warcraft, etc.)...You know there are things you enjoy that you hide from everyone else.
74) A Bro will shower at least once every 24 hours, unless he is single and it is the weekend.
75) A Bro will not whine when he loses a bet. You lost. Be a man and pay up.
76) A Bro respects authority, but knows the proper time, place, and method to question it.
77) A Bro should not fart in a vehicle if there is a stop within 10 minutes, or after JUST getting into said vehicle.
78) Bros should inform each other if they are aware of cheating girlfriends/wives.
79) A Bro will pay for his friends cab fare before he will let said friend drive drunk.
80) A Bro will let his friend sit in jail overnight to think things over before bailing him out.
81) Bros don't let Bros order "Just a salad" at a sports bar/grill.
82) Bros will not go to a concert that's not Lynyrd Skynyrd and yell "Freebird!!"
83) Bros may have their ears peirced, but any self respecting Bro should not wear diamond studs.
84) When playing Guitar Hero, Bros should not play drums more than twice without passing them on to the next person in line.
85) Bros don't use speed-dial for anything other than emergency numbers (poison control, 911, etc.).
86) A Bro will not use the Apple Store "Genius Bar" for anything other than light entertainment while his girlfriend looks for an iphone case.
87) If a Bro catches another Bro watching pornography, he should leave the room and never speak of it to anyone. And help his friend find a girlfriend, FAST.
88) A Bro does not need lift kits on ANY vehicle, unless his job/hobby requires it.
89) A Bro should not wear leather pants unless his main mode of transportation is a motorcycle. Not a MoPed, a MOTORCYCLE.
90) Come to think of it, leather jackets are enough leather for ANYONE who doesn't ride a motorcycle.
91) When 2 or more Bros hang out at another Bros home, the t.v. remote belongs to the Bro whos name is on the lease.
92) A Bro will NEVER knowingly hit on a married woman, or someone elses girlfriend.
93) Bros should not carry pictures of their EX in their wallet.
94) A Bro should not turn down free food, then ask for "just a bite" of their friends food.
95) A Bro should never "lead someone on"...be it a wannabe girlfriend, or a loser male who just wants a friend. Either sincerley enjoy their company, or sincerley tell them to bugger off.
96) A Bro knows the difference between a full blown argument, and a genuine exchange of ideas and opinions.
97) A Bro should always strive to be employed.
98) A Bro should not brag about his awesome high school football years to anyone except his grand-children, or unless someone else asks about it.
99) A Bro should never ask a woman out through a text message or her answering machine/voicemail. Either ask her in person, or speak to her on the phone. In person is better though.
100) Bros should appreciatethe simplicity pf Ramen noodles, and not cook Ramen for anyone except other Bros. If you say you'll cook for your girlfriend/wife, you better cook, and you better cook WELL.
101) Bros should never enjoy a meal that doesn't include meat.

I'm baaaaack!!

            So...I've been gone a while. Not that it matters. Nobody ever reads these things anyway. Or, not yet they don't at least. So I saw a funny picture today on one of the websites I visit in my daily repetoire of pages. Here's a link to the picture. It got me thinking. There's plenty of other things that each gender does that unintentionally annoys or baffles the other. So why not identify each one? This is just what I think. If you find yourself being offended, go screw yourself, it's just a joke. But if you find yourself amused, enlightened, or sexually aroused, don't hesitate to say so. So here goes. I'll start with the ladies, because they go first.
                                                                                                                  

Women:
1. Cutting your hair to make it grow
2. Ordering "Just a salad"
3. Going to concerts and sitting down
4. Wearing make-up. (Alright, this one might just be me, but I think that if a woman is pretty, no amount of makeup will make her MORE pretty. If done in excess, it tends to have an opposite effect. But again, that's just me.)
5.Snuggies (nuff said)
6. Asking for directions with your husband/boyfriend present.
7. Enjoying "Fireproof"
8. Having innumerable quantities of different "moisturizing-exfoliating-hair conditioner-stuff in your shower"
9. Cotton Balls (ALWAYS have cotton balls...what are they even for?)
10. Those skin-tight jeans. (I assume ya'll are trying to look your best, but there's is NO WAY that they are comfortable in the LEAST. In my opinion, I like women who are not so self-conscious about how they look, and just like to wear what's comfortable. Once again, that's just my opinion.)

Alright, that wasn't so bad, was it? Everybody angry? No? Good!! Now, here's the OTHER end of the spectrum.

Men:

1. Leaving the toilet seat up.
2. Leaving..."hairs"...in the soap.
3. Wearing underwear more than one day in a row. (I can truthfully say I do not do this if I don't have to, but I have before.)
4. Asking women on dates through text messages. (I do not condone this, and personally, I hate it when my friends do this, but there is a reason, and I think you'll be flattered once I tell you. It's because most guys *that I know* are too intimidated to ask you in person. Ya'll are so pretty, so nice, and you smell good, so we simply try to ask through a medium that lets us keep our heads level and not stutter and stammer through our words.)
5. Enjoying "Watchmen" (To this day, I have never met a woman who enjoys Watchmen. What is so bad about it? It's a great movie, and it's done insanely well. And RORSCHACH!! How can you not love Rorschach?!)
6. Getting mad when our girlfriend/wife wants to ask for directions. (We hate this because it makes us think you don't have faith in us as providers, which hurts on a primitive level. That's right, you offend us from the DNA up.)
7. Video Games
8. Being able to eat literally ANYTHING for ANY meal. (I once ate a chips ahoy/dorrito sandwich for breakfast...take THAT!!)
9. Wearing shorts in February. (They're comfortable, shut up....and when your legs are as hairy as mine, pants are too hot.)
10. Going out at 1 a.m. for whatever. Food run, workout, just plain BORED, etc.


So, 10 a piece. Sound good? Good. Anyway, this is just what gathered from being male. If you think of anything I missed, or would like to argue against one of them, please feel free to tell me what you think.

This post is the most important post you will ever read.

As the co-author of a blog about nothing, usually your posts involve humor, and as such, It helps that I can see humor in random crap. But when you go out of your way to look for things, you will never find them. For example, everyone has played with legos as a kid right? Well, picture this: your trucking along with an awesome spaceship, and then all of the sudden your stumped as to what else to add, its got lasers, its got cannons, its got 15 sets of wings, pretty much everything, but you sit back, take a sip from your juice-box, and know, that somewhere in the thousands of lego pieces you have, there is a piece that would fit perfectly somewhere, and then you remember, that one tiny piece that you got in a set 5 years ago for your birthday, and it would work so well to fill that void on your otherwise perfect spaceship. So you commence the search, fifteen minutes later.... nothing. thirty minutes later.... nothing. Eventually, after about forty-five minutes or so, you decide to just rearrange the pieces on your little battle cruiser, and just live with out it. And then, after you have spent and hour or two fixing your aircraft to function right, you come across in a little cluster in the most obvious place imaginable on this earth, at least 35 of this piece you were trying to find. Then you commence smashing everything around in anger, including the ship you spent so much effort crafting. Then this cycle starts over again, except this time you promise yourself to not spend forty minutes looking for one piece, unless of course, you know, its super important. This ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is why there are so few posts to this blog, because my brother is busy all the time, doing Marine stuff, and I am always trying to hard to write something. I apologize for actually teaching you all a life lesson today instead of just feeding your comedy-addicted brains, but I have been trying to hard to actually write something funny to post, when I just sit down and start typing, something will come out wether the words are pure genius, or utter crap fit only for those who have no sense of humor at all. So, to sum everything up, incase the metaphor was not understood, it's always good to seek out things out, but if you try too hard, you might lose sight of your original goal. Also, I promise my next post will comedic and hilarious, instead of all this "ethics" and "morals" business.

UPDATE:

I made a new logo, felt the other one was too......hostile, so its much nicer now