My Future (Extended)

So as I mentioned in a previous post titled "My Future", I may have said that I didn't like the Westboro Baptist Church. Well, not four days later, my Dad sent me a link to a website with an article and video (http://www.politicususa.com/en/bikers-westboro-baptist) of some Westboro protesters doing what they do best (besides their siblings and horses). They were protesting and chanting and generally making asses of themselves and defaming humanity for the rest of us, until three hundred patriotic bikers showed up. The video just shows the protesters standing around being obnoxious, then you hear some motorcycles show up behind them, and everybody takes off. The bikers were closing in on one fellow, and the 6 or 8 cops that were there, knowing they couldn't handle three hundred bikers, simply had the guy run off, yelling after him to "Run you stupid motherfucker!!" That's right, he turned to the police for help. Funny how they hate americans so much, but when they get scared because somebody doesn't approve of their hatemongering, they don't have any problem asking American uniformed men for help. What's that? Uniformed men? Our protectors and gaurdians at home and abroad? You mean the people that they've spent the last several years protesting the funerals of? So Americans aren't so terrible when Westboro calls on them because they need help, huh? Well, the people of Iraq and Afghanistan need protection from tyrants who are ruling their lives (that's where our soldiers come in), just like the guy I mentioned earlier needed protection from the bikers who wanted to fuck his shit up, and would've been right to do so. While that sinks in, I also saw a news report from Hawaii about a Westboro protest. When the protestors thought that nobody was watching, they weren't doing anything. They just sat there. They laid their signs down, stopped yelling, and confirmed to the world that they are Trollin'. That's all. If they really felt this way, I'd think that they'd keep yelling and hating even when no one was looking. That is how you stand up for your beliefs: Doing what you believe is right, even when you know that nobody is looking or will notice. I'm onto you Phelps'!! (Yes, I'm talking to all of you, because since nobody would consider reproducing with you, you've had to resort to inbreeding). You're nothing but a bunch of Trolls. Fuck you.


This is a song by one of my favorite bands. Listen to the song. It sounds exactly like they are singing to (not about, but to) Westboro Baptist Church.

The Only Working Weight Loss Plan On Earth

Pain, and hunger. Those are required if you really want to lose weight. Who do you think you're kidding with your "eat all you want but still lose 10 pounds a month" diet? How'd that work out for you the first million times you tried it...why on Earth would you think it would work now? I actually heard of one diet where you drink a pregnant womans piss, then excericse, and the combination of chemicals and strain on your body will make you lose weight. IF YOU EXCERCISE YOU WILL LOSE WEIGHT!! SAME GOES FOR EATING LESS!! Just quit reading this article, turn off your freaking computer, and go for a bike ride. Get some friends and play football. Anything really, but if you're going to say you need to loseweight, then do it. Quit reading up on these "Miracle Diet Plans", and go run around the block. (without stoping at your favorite bakery). If you would like, leave your email address in the comments and I'll send you the workout that one of the other Future Marines gave me. I've been at it for a week, and it's pretty cool. Remember: pain and hunger. Those two things must be present in order for you to get in shape.

I feel soo.... well rounded

I was looking at the blog stats, and we have had 2 page views from Germany!! And also Alaska, so pretty much the only people reading this are either Nazi's or Commies..... Well, not anymore at least

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I have not retired to the everlasting sleep of death. (yet)

I apologize for not posting in so long. I know the billions of people reading this must have been planning to commit mass suicide any day now, because hey! ho doesn't love good humor. But actually, I haven't simply been neglecting my poor little blog, I honestly, and proudly would like to announce, that good ole' Honest Abe and me have been battling hipsters nonstop for about two weeks now. I hope, that by hearing this I might gain an ounce or two of respect of all of my sooo infinite readers and/or hipster haters, I like to think those to words are synonymous. So just letting you all know, I did not die, I was simply doing my part to eradicate the world of a truly crippling disease. So, I apologize for anyone who has had to go without the words of wisdom from me and my brother for so long, I will try harder to do my part to make time for blogging along with the destroying the evil that is a hipster. Also I will start signing all my posts with a penguin. It will look like this <("). For no other reason than because: 1.It looks awesome,and 2. they are bested in the animal kingdom by only the octopus, which you might have guessed, would be a real pain in the ass to make with letters and numbers. and also I will include a picture I took of Lincoln after he hit his five hundredth mortality.

Achievement Unlocked: 500x Kill Streak

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My Future

I am enlisted in the Marine Corps Delayed Entry Program. That means that once I'm done with high school, it's off to boot camp. School counserelers and friends of my parents ask me where I'm going to college, and I say "I'm not going to college." Then they say "Oh, well then what are you going to do?" When I tell them I'm joining the military, they say "Ooooh" (read: You dumbass, why on earth would you do a thing like that?) Then they tell me to make sure I get a job that will prepare me for civilian life once I get out, and I tell them "I don't plan on getting out." Then they ask me what possessed me to do such a thing. They ask me why I would even want to do this. I tell them that I want to protect their right to be an ignorant bigot who looks down on people like me.

That means you guys too. If you ask me, these are the people that we should be fighting. I swore to "protect the United States from all enemies, foreign and domestic, so help me God." The same God that these guys seem to know so well. I'd say the Westboro Baptist Church counts as a domestic enemy. By the way, "Fuck you, Westboro" will be on my tombstone. See you at my funeral you sons of bitches.

When they ask how I could possibly consider killing another human, I remind them of two things: 1. The radical islamists don't qualify as humans.
2. There is more to the military than infantry jobs. Alot more. In fact, there are more non-infantrymen than there are infantrymen. I picked Airfield Groundcrewman, or Military Police, whichever opens first.



 On a more interesting note, the night before I went to the Military Entrance Processing Station (MEPS) to swear in, my dad came into my room with a really solemn look on his face. He looked at me and said "Daniel, they've been waiting a week to gety the DNA results back". I thought "Oh shit, me and my dad aren't related." Then he told me that Bin Laden was dead, and I was more relieved that me and my dad were related than I was that Bin Laden was dead. So the next day at MEPS, that's all anyone talked about. The Navy applicants bragged about how it was a SEAL team that killed him. The Marine applicants reminded them that most SEALs are Marines. And the Army and Air Force applicants asked their recruiters if it was too late to change branches. (I kid you guys, that didn't happen. Thank you for your decision to protect our country).

So anyway, I know it's a little late, but happy Armed Forces day everyone!! Be sure to thank your men and women in uniform for all they have sacrificed for you. If your parents or grandparents were in the military, I bet they would love it if you asked them about it and thanked them for their service.

Thank you.